Today I had the pleasure of dealing with the door to door salesman for ChemLawn. After analyzing my yard he came up with a list of things that needed immediate attention. There was gaping hole next to the driveway where I drive my car over the corner of the lawn every day after pulling up to get my mail before heading into the garage, a couple of bare spots, gopher holes, and (gasp)…..weeds. After telling me that he could fix all of these problems for me throughout the summer by stopping by every 3 weeks and spraying chemicals all over my lawn for the low price of $65 a time he wanted to know when he could set up an appointment.

My reply……. “Never”.

He then decided that I didn’t understand the seriousness of my lawn problem and that if I didn’t get it take care of soon that there could be some serious ramifications, especially since I have a toddler in the house. He told me that if I wasn’t going to take care of my lawn that I needed to make sure that my son never went outside barefoot, because the thistles that I have in my lawn if stepped on could make my son sick and send him to the hospital. To make matters even worse, only ChemLawn has the chemicals to kill this type of thistle and anything I would buy at the store would be fruitless in battling this dastardly weed.

Here’s where I told him to have a nice day, but seriously what a load of crap. First of all my lawn is not that bad. I just bought the house last summer and the house had sat vacant and the lawn only got mowed twice before we moved in in July, so it’s not exactly a Pebble Beach Fairway at this point. The thistle problem consists of maybe 5-10 thistles in my entire yard. ChemLawn does a couple of yards in my neighborhood and honestly they are nothing to brag about it. On top of that I worked at a golf course for 3 years and the last thing I am going to do is pay some company $60-80 a month to maintain my yard. What a complete waste of money!

Anyway if anyone knows of this indestructable toxic thistle plant that grows in Wisconsin please let me know, till then I’m thinking my $5 Walmart shovel can probably take care of the thistle problem.